The cutest thing ever

Apologies in advance for this is going to be a really pointless and overly girly blog.

Went to the hairdressers today, for a mop-chop. And came out looking like an extra from Sex in the City. Loved it!! Caramel blonde bits in my hair, and it's been curled all over, to look so sweet in my short bob....this is just how I want it to look when I go to my friend's wedding in a couple of weeks! Did however go a bit mad with the products afterwards and ended up buying 'bed head' shampoo, conditioner and volumising stuff...which only added a mere £25 to the bill!!

Still, best hair cut to date! Had to cancel Badminton though, thought I'd look like a bit of a plank if I walked on to a badminton court with a perfect barnet! Plus I didn't really want to get it all horrible and sweaty...not a good look.

So instead, sat chatting about boys with my bestest bud, while watching 'How to Look Good Naked', followed by a few laughs of 'Mock the Week'.

How very organised!

I have excelled myself with organisation skills today. A miracle happened this morning and I was actually in at work by 8am! To quote Judith "are you feeling OK this morning Lucy?!"

Today dragged on soooooo much. I'd taken an apple, banana and 2 muller vitality yogurts with me, and I was that bored that I'd eaten them all by 9.30! I was clock watching every 5 minutes, and think I emailed my best mate on the gsi.gov.uk network more times than I looked at my worksheet!!

That's by the by. I compiled a...sorry, this blog has just been interrupted by what looks to be a flying ant or mosquito randomly landing on my note pad and dying right before my very eyes...

As I was saying, I compiled a list of things to do. I love lists. There's nothing more satisfying than crossing off the items on a list of things to do. Today's list included the following:

• Purchase single train ticket from Stansted Airport to home for when we land back in the UK from Dublin. £9.10
• Purchase connecting train ticket for next weekend from York to Huddersfield. £3.30
• Pre-Book Guiness Factory tour for trip to Dublin. 24 Euro.
• Update iTunes/iPod
• Pop to Tesco for hair designs magazine
• Upload photos from Bank Holiday weekend onto Facebook.

I managed items 1-4, however totally forgot about tomorrow's impending mop-chop and instead opted for white choc chip cookies (74p for 5) and a new Vanillaaaaaaahhhh frijj milkshake. Not had time to upload photos onto Facebook due to current NHS application form jobby.

My bed is calling me now...

Free Hardcore

We have this e-application at work, where people can post items for sale, 'wanted' for hire...you name it - it's there. I have a little browse once or twice a week to pass the time, you know how it is! And today I came across a classic.

FREE HARDCORE!!! Was the subject of the item for sale..."One tonne...surplus to requirement!" I thought, flamin' heck! Does this man have an addiction...a tonne of porn!!? "ready for pick up in dumpy sack"...it took a while to twig that it was hardcore as in building supplies!! I was quite tempted to ring into Scott Mills and spread my stupidity.

I had quite possibly the most boring day at work. Ever. It started at 5.54am, when for the first time in a long while I woke up before my alarm. But when it went off, I pressed snooze...until 8.30!! So much for my early start. Got to work at 9.30am, after my normal 90mph blast down the A1. I was clock watching from 9.30am until I went home at 4.45pm - I don't think a day has ever dragged so much.

I had the trusty iPod to kee me company though, and was amusing myself with the dulset tones of Will Tristam et al - the creators of the funniest independant podcast out there....The Definitave Word. Love it!

I really have nothing else to add. Razzle Dazzle is coming over shortly to see to my rogue eye brows! It's great having a mobile beautician...need to prevent any monobrow action....as cute as Bert from Bert and Earnie is...I'm just not sure it's very this season!!

We're going to the zoo, zoo zoo!

August Bank Holiday is now officially over. The Reading and Leeds festival goers are heading home caked in mud, piss and god knows what else and the cooling towers just off the M1 near Sheffield are no longer.

What did I do? Not much...

I got £100 exchanged to Euros to put a bit of spending money aside for my trip to Dublin in September. The plan was to go to Beer Festival this weekend, however, we just opted for the pub. This was the cheaper option, and meant we did not have to share a giant white tent with smelly men. From what I remember of last years Annual CAMRA beer festival tent - the one in Peterborough has a distinctive aroma of....well beer, mixed with the stench of a boys school gym changing room. Mmm delish! Not sure if that can be said for all other similar events across the country.

On Sunday I went to Whipsnade Zoo. It was a bit of a last minute decision, and took much longer to get there than anticipated due to an accident (or just bank holiday traffic) on the A421 just past Bedford. Still, we got there in the end, and it turned out to be a really nice, warm and sunny afternoon.

We saw ringtailed lemurs, giraffes (mummy, daddy and baby)...a couple of Hippos, the penguins being fed, zebras, lions (from a distance) and a siberian tiger from an even greater distance, a few cheetahs but to top it off, the best thing happened. My mate and I popped into a vending machine hut, to pick up a seriously overpriced bottle of fanta and a white chocolate magnum, and when we got out saw...5 elephants tail to trunk pounding up the road towards us! They strolled past, 3 adults and two babies! It was the most amazing thing of the whole weekend, being that close to those giant, magnificent creatures.

Today I did a bit of shopping and went looking at dresses to wear to a wedding next weekend. Tried on the most gorgeous in Monsoon today, but decided I just couldn't justify £180 for it, considering I have to save the pennies to go to Dublin. So instead, I splashed out on a few sexy pairs of black, lace trimmed 'brazillian' style panties, 2 continental chocolates from Thorntons (total cost of 65 pence!!) and a couple of CD's: Namely 'Noah and the Whale', and Oasis greatest hits.

Back to work tomorrow. Only a 4 day week so I can't complain too much. Nor can I complain that I have a 4 day week the following week! It's Luke's last day on Friday before he shoots off to University. I had the funniest lunch time last week. Went to lunch with Penny and Luke - I swear that woman should embark in a career as a stand up comic because her timing and wit is just brilliant.

They were bitching about one of the team leaders in the office - and Luke had been spending his time monitoring how many times this particular team leader had spent getting up out of her chair to harrass other people. Between the hours of 10am and 11am were her most productive, with a total of 11 times in the hour...over the whole day it was 41 times...and he gave up counting at 5pm! Some suggestions were flung around...

Lucy: Maybe she suffers from...oh what's it called?

Penny: Piles?!

**lots of laughter**

Penny: Because she does look like she's sat scratching around on her seat...

Luke: Yea she does...

Lucy: No, I wasn't thinking of piles...the one where you've got to get up and walk around a bit- DVT!

Luke: Still think piles is a better guess!

So we opted for that. Now, as it's his last day and as he had served under said team leader's instruction, we thought it'd be rude of him to go without leaving some kind of a thank you present. Yes, you may have guessed it: The plan is to leave a tube of hemorrhoid cream on her desk, and all credit must go to Penny who came up with the note to attach:

"Because you were the pain in MY arse!"

Nobody Move...Nobody Get Hurt!

Just got back from seeing We Are Scientists, for the second time. First time I was lucky enough to meet Keith and get a hug and a wee kiss on the cheek. This time round, I had to settle for a hug, wee kiss and a chat with the bassist and lead singer/guitarist from their support band...but it's not all bad, because the singer was a bit of a dish!

My feet are killing. Ears are ringing, but it was worth it!

Would love to write some more here, but far too tired. My bed is calling me...

Would that be a party ring sir?

Just been watching today's Olympic Highlights, and had to laugh out loud when they were showing a few clips of the gymnastics. Some guy was on the rings doing some fandangled display of strength, agility and whatever other qualities top olympic gymnasts possess...and it came to the dismount - the vital part which most tend to f**k up!! "Wobble wobble...oooooooh..." is how it normally goes for most - this guy, jumped off, did a few somersaults in the air and straight down onto the mats, no wobble wobble whatsoever. Brilliant performance. Commentator's quote that had me rolling around in stitches:

"GIVE THAT MAN A BISCUIT!!!"

Oh. The hilarity.

Case of the missing pjs...Part 2

It turns out after 4 months of police graft, that the owner of the missing pink pyjamas came to the conclusion that they "might have just blown off the line"...

It really does make you laugh.

"El Torro" and the Sexy Rabbits

I got back from my little weekend escape to West Yorkshire last night. Whilst there, I visited the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, just outside Wakefield (or Shakey Wakey as it's otherwise fondly known as). This place is a huge estate where they have sheep roaming the land, to keep the grass nice and trim (saves on petrol for the lawnmowers I guess). We started off well, in one of the gallery's of a Japanese-American artist and his sculptures made out of marble and all sorts. Great first impression with some woman mouthing off at one of the members of staff...I was particularly miffed as I was in mid-conversation with the tour guide regarding where to buy trendy flower corsages!! So on that note, we kinda wondered off quietly and out into the gardens.

I used to be quite into art, and I can appreciate some of the scuptures there for their hard work and craftsmanship. But really, some of them are just a little odd. I will highlight a few of my favourites.

Firstly, the collection of semi-man/semi-rabbit. These reminded me of the strange character out of Donnie Darko. They were big metal sculptures, that appeared to be cast out of melted down anything and re-arranged in the form of this creature. On the chest of a horse, and you really had to look closely, was a Harry Potter figure, broom in hand. Other's included Pocahontas, a matchbox car and some small baby. You could also point out hand drills, chains (made for a good interpretation of a spine), cogs, cheese graters - you name it, it was probably in it!

Another one of my favourites was Bugs Bunny doing a Jackie Chan impression ontop of an anvil. What is this meant to represent? Comments welcommed as usual.

We did spot this lovely brushed steel looking article on our rounds.

The sexy bunnies were giant female rabbits...one was knelt down, baps out. And another not so far away, on all fours crawling across the grass.

My highlight of the day, was what I called "El Torro" (which I hope is the correct Spanish name for a bull). If not, it will remain as it has a distinctive ring to it and one which suits. This was a very masculine looking bronze bull with bronze 'bull-ocks' the size of melons! And a rather dis-proportionately sized schlong.

The case of the missing pyjamas

Hurrah! It’s the weekend. I have actually already written the first part of today’s blog post. Infact everything so far was written last night whilst listening to Alexi Murdoch, The Mystery Jets and Paramore. I wanted to write a post yesterday, but figured I would appear little too keen to post two stories on the first day of re-commencing my blogging career.

Yesterday at work whilst trying to make the time pass, Penny and I got discussing all the cases that we read in our day-to-day business and how many are a total and utter waste of police time and tax payer’s money. At which point Luke in the corner pipes up with a classic… “I know we’ve all been 18 or 19 at some point in our lives, but has it ever struck you at such age to steal pyjamas off a washing line?”…err – I think the answer to that can safely be answered with a “no”.

So then he asks “if you were a lad, why would you want to steal pink pyjamas in the middle of February?”…presumably said thief was a little cold while jumping over the fences and maybe needed an extra layer of insulation?? (If you want to propose a reasonable response to this question, please add it to the “comments” box which can be found at the bottom of this page).

You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this. Well, it all ties in with the cases that waste police time. It’s annoying when you read some files and the police don’t seem to be too bothered about finding the perpetrators to a crime and it get’s NFA’ed (No Further Action) and archived where it will sit gathering dust for a few years. However, this was not to be for the saga of the stolen pink pyjamas. Take a guess at how many days you think a police officer would want to chase down the culprit to such a crime?! 7, maybe 10 at a push?

Try one hundred and twenty. Yes…some saddo in Cambridgeshire Constabulary spent four whole months hunting down a thief sporting pink PJ bottoms! You’d have thought any dissemination around the force of such a description would have made him easily identifiable from the rest of the thieving cretins out there! I suppose this is just another example at how far some officers are willing to go to meet their Home Office targets. Anyways, I left before I found of whether he was ever caught if so, was he wearing the pyjamas?! Had he sold them on to fund his habit? Or were they safely returned to their rightful owner?!

The saga continues on Monday… Don’t know about you, but I can’t wait!

Testing...Testing...One Two

I've just got in from work and I'm shattered. It's been a long week. Still, we're on the downward slope to Friday and it couldn't come soon enough. I was reminded today just how fantastic blogging can be and how much I missed this commentary of my life. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sat here embarking on a new blog all about me. I shan't tell you upfront what I'm all about. As Shrek would say, people are like onions. They have layers. Therefore I shall leave you to peel back the layers of my life and explore my warped mind. I will endeavour to keep as witty, light hearted and fun as possible (although I can't promise anything!)

This evening, while I was wasting some time at my desk (nothing out of the ordinary there), I was asked by some colleagues to cast an opinion over the packaging of a sweetie wrapper. Lo behold! It was only Maoam! I was like "Guys! I used to blog about this very same subject!"What I forgot to tell them was that I was sad enough to actually write to Haribo highlighting their attention to the following issue. (Hint: Write to Haribo regarding the blatant lewd, fruitishly pornographic sexual innuendo that appears on what they call 'marketing' and you will receive a plentiful supply of free sweets. Well, I did anyway).

You're probably thinking to yourself 'what is she talking about? Sweets? Porn?'...well my friend. Go take yourself off to the nearest corner shop, hunt down a bag of Maoam and you will see for yourself. I shall briefly try to describe the images. However, I feel that I should insert a brief warning.

WARNING: The following may contain descriptions of a graphic nature. Those of a fragile disposition may instead, wish to read this. (please turn speakers on for immensely cool soundtrack AND lyrics)

Ok, so allow me to set the scene. The main character, I'm just presuming is a guy, although strictly speaking I guess it's asexual, but just go with it. It's a guy...looks like a cross between the Pillsbury doughboy and Dum-pea (Dumpy...get it??) from the Poddington Peas. Well he's lying on his front puckering up to a juicy looking strawberry and the drool is literally pouring off his face.

Sub-conscious message #1 to all e-number munching children: It's ok to kiss strawberries.
Sub-conscious message #2 to all e-number craving children: It's only ok to kiss, so long as you're slobbering all over the face of the other person.

Now, imagine if you will, the dumpy Poddington Pea-cum-pastry boy, has a firm grip on a tangerine and he's giving it a "big hug"...only from behind (if you get my drift). Looking on, with a huge smile on her face, is a strawberry who looks eager for a "hug" too. Throw a pair of cherries...some licking, winking and I'm sure you're starting to get the picture. Our green fella looks most comfortable lying back tickling the tuft of a tangerine...and well - it's all very wrong!

Sub-conscious message #3 to all hyperactive e-powered children:
It's ok to "hug", lick and suck - provided there is always a third party present.

I think this could be a case for Scott Mills. My favourite Radio 1 dee-jay. I've seen the photos on his web-page. The Hannah Montanna sweets...and those lifehouse ones too. All very, very funny!

I'm meant to be going over to my friends house now for a catch up. However, I really can't be bothered. How much of a bad friend do I sound?! Think I'll just go and get myself another bowl of crunchy nut...

...well, it is ludicrously tasty!