Testing...Testing...One Two

I've just got in from work and I'm shattered. It's been a long week. Still, we're on the downward slope to Friday and it couldn't come soon enough. I was reminded today just how fantastic blogging can be and how much I missed this commentary of my life. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sat here embarking on a new blog all about me. I shan't tell you upfront what I'm all about. As Shrek would say, people are like onions. They have layers. Therefore I shall leave you to peel back the layers of my life and explore my warped mind. I will endeavour to keep as witty, light hearted and fun as possible (although I can't promise anything!)

This evening, while I was wasting some time at my desk (nothing out of the ordinary there), I was asked by some colleagues to cast an opinion over the packaging of a sweetie wrapper. Lo behold! It was only Maoam! I was like "Guys! I used to blog about this very same subject!"What I forgot to tell them was that I was sad enough to actually write to Haribo highlighting their attention to the following issue. (Hint: Write to Haribo regarding the blatant lewd, fruitishly pornographic sexual innuendo that appears on what they call 'marketing' and you will receive a plentiful supply of free sweets. Well, I did anyway).

You're probably thinking to yourself 'what is she talking about? Sweets? Porn?'...well my friend. Go take yourself off to the nearest corner shop, hunt down a bag of Maoam and you will see for yourself. I shall briefly try to describe the images. However, I feel that I should insert a brief warning.

WARNING: The following may contain descriptions of a graphic nature. Those of a fragile disposition may instead, wish to read this. (please turn speakers on for immensely cool soundtrack AND lyrics)

Ok, so allow me to set the scene. The main character, I'm just presuming is a guy, although strictly speaking I guess it's asexual, but just go with it. It's a guy...looks like a cross between the Pillsbury doughboy and Dum-pea (Dumpy...get it??) from the Poddington Peas. Well he's lying on his front puckering up to a juicy looking strawberry and the drool is literally pouring off his face.

Sub-conscious message #1 to all e-number munching children: It's ok to kiss strawberries.
Sub-conscious message #2 to all e-number craving children: It's only ok to kiss, so long as you're slobbering all over the face of the other person.

Now, imagine if you will, the dumpy Poddington Pea-cum-pastry boy, has a firm grip on a tangerine and he's giving it a "big hug"...only from behind (if you get my drift). Looking on, with a huge smile on her face, is a strawberry who looks eager for a "hug" too. Throw a pair of cherries...some licking, winking and I'm sure you're starting to get the picture. Our green fella looks most comfortable lying back tickling the tuft of a tangerine...and well - it's all very wrong!

Sub-conscious message #3 to all hyperactive e-powered children:
It's ok to "hug", lick and suck - provided there is always a third party present.

I think this could be a case for Scott Mills. My favourite Radio 1 dee-jay. I've seen the photos on his web-page. The Hannah Montanna sweets...and those lifehouse ones too. All very, very funny!

I'm meant to be going over to my friends house now for a catch up. However, I really can't be bothered. How much of a bad friend do I sound?! Think I'll just go and get myself another bowl of crunchy nut...

...well, it is ludicrously tasty!